Change Your Outlook on Life

By Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., she is a clinical psychologist and an author

In many ways, striving for perfection is a recipe for disaster. I’ve spoken with too many people who could never be smart, successful, slim, or striking enough to meet their own unrealistic demands. All the while, these individuals failed to experience themselves as people of value just for being themselves.

I’ve worked with countless couples that spend as much time obsessing over their relationship as they do experiencing their relationship. This wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing if these thoughts were kind, compassionate, and introspective. Instead, they are harsh, cold, and critical. The demanding attitude we all have toward ourselves often divides our lives into two realities—what’s actually happening and what we tell ourselves about what’s happening. People who live in pursuit of perfection are missing out on the real pleasures of life.

We’ve heard the expression “live in the moment” so many times that the words can lose their meaning. We lose track of the fact that much of the time, we spiral off into thoughts that have little to do with the here and now. Buying coffee, we forget to meet the eyes of the stranger serving us. We obsess over how we look instead of noticing how we are being looked at—by a loved one, for example. When we fall in love , we worry about losing it, rather than enjoying the blissful feeling of being in love.

How can we shift from judging our lives to actually living and enjoying them? Here are three key elements:

1. Silence Your Inner Critic

Whether we are accomplishing a major goal or enjoying a simple pleasure, our “critical inner voice” is a thought process that can constantly question, critique, and undermine our experiences.

It subdues us and holds us back. It tells us we aren’t good enough or warns us that we will lose everything. It tells us that we have to be special to be worthwhile. It shouts, “If you’re not the best, you’re nothing.” When we receive an acknowledgment, it says, “You don’t deserve it.” When we fall in love, it whispers, “She will leave you.” When we listen to this voice we miss out on reality. We lose touch with the tactile, feeling, tumultuous roller coaster of real life. Instead, we stay in our own heads, failing to connect with the people, places, and experiences that make our moments worthwhile.

A friend of mine was invited on a getaway by her boyfriend of a few months. She was excited, but a few minutes into their long drive to the mountains, her critical inner voice started in on her. “What will you talk about? You don’t have anything interesting to say. He’s going to realise how dull you are.” The running dialogue in her mind made her unusually quiet, uncomfortable, even awkward. By the time they made their first gas stop, she wished she’d never agreed to come. Then, stepping out of the car, she felt a rush of cold, crisp air. She noticed they were surrounded by snow. It was beautiful.

She realized that her self-critical thoughts had left her missing out on everything from conversation with her boyfriend to taking in the stunning scenery. It was a wake-up call that gave her the insight necessary to silence her inner critic. She spent the remainder of the drive actively ignoring the “voices” that surfaced. When her “voice” told her she sounded stupid, she’d tell her boyfriend a story. When it said she seemed “desperate,” she’d put her head on his shoulder. When it commented on her appearance, she’d look admiringly out the window. Though it got stronger at first, like a child throwing a tantrum to get its way, eventually, the voice grew quiet, and she stopped noticing it altogether.

This is the approach we must all take, and it was recently, and perfectly, illustrated in an account by Amy Poehler in her book, Yes Please, in which she refers to her inner critic as her “demon”:

Hopefully as you get older, you start to learn how to live with your demon. It’s hard at first. Some people give their demon so much room that there is no space in their head for love. They feed their demon, and it gets really strong, and then it makes them stay in abusive relationships or starve their beautiful bodies. But sometimes, you get a little older and get a little bored of the demon. Through good therapy and friends and self-love you can practice treating the demon like a hacky, annoying cousin.

Actively ignoring and taking action against your demon will initially make its voice louder and you more anxious, but it is the only way ultimately to silence it. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a leader in interpersonal neurobiology, says that the only appropriate attitude to have toward yourself is to be curious, open, accepting and loving. This attitude is what makes change possible. It’s what helps you to not only reach your goals but also enjoy and appreciate the road that gets you there, imperfect as it may be.

2. Don’t Avoid Feelings

Psychologist Robert Firestone, my father and my co-author on Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, recently pointed out that living in the moment isn’t always as joyful as the saying would suggest. Life is filled with a wide array of emotions including pain. However, living in the moment does ensure a more lively existence. We can’t experience the past or the future, yet we spend much of our time lost in regretting the past and worrying about the future. Still, the present moment is all we have. Think of what we are missing when we trail off and focus on things we aren’t actually experiencing. Think of how we tune out or numb ourselves in an effort to avoid whatever we would think or feel if we let ourselves be right where we are.

Most of us engage in behaviors that numb us in an effort to avoid sadness. But sadness has many benefits: It makes us feel rich, full, and alive to feel our sadness. It has a rejuvenating effect that grows our capacity for happiness. When you try to kill off a part of yourself, you lose more of yourself than you think. The fear that motivates us to avoid deeper feeling frequently leaves us dulled, anxious, and miserable instead.

3. Refocus Your Attention

When we listen to our inner critic, it is like looking at ourselves through someone else’s eyes instead of our own. We must learn to take the focus off ourselves and look for meaning in our experiences. This still means setting goals, but also enjoying the journey. Life is about striving, not just being there. Have you ever set a goal to exercise or lose weight, then felt slightly empty when you reached it? That’s because life happens in the journey itself. Your energy can only be felt in your actions.

As you live your life, remind yourself: Slow down and pay attention. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Focus less on evaluation and more on your actual experience. Look out the window of your car. Be in the moment, “Pay attention in the present like your life depends on it.” And if you do get lost, never beat yourself up; just bring your attention back to the present moment. You can actually strengthen your mind like a muscle by putting your attention where you want it.

Life is too precious to waste lost in our heads, evaluating ourselves, one step removed from our own experience. We can live more fully by paying attention to our senses and being willing to feel what we are actually experiencing at any given moment.

Original Article

Happy New Year

Just a short message to wish all those viewing my blog a “Happy New Year” and Best Wishes for 2018.

Hopefully during the year we can again push the case for non sexual “natural ” nudity and show people just how normal naturism is.

At the same time share knowledge on other topic as well as preview the kind of photography that you can take in place near to you.

Let’s hope 2018 is a good one !

What life throws up…

Life throws up many hurdles and situations that challenge people emotionally and physically and means they must adapt to live a stress free happy life. Most people tend to shy away from public opinion and comment as they get older and live ‘simple’ everyday lives to avoid even more hassles. It’s not that they don’t care more a case that they have enough to deal with in their own lives without having to deal with everyone else’s too.sI fail to understand why people in these modern times are selfish I fail to understand too just why people are greedy and also so self centred.

Over the years I’ve heard it all brothers and sisters not talking to each other for years even decades and children shunning their mothers or fathers.The reasons can be complicated and complex some aren’t even creditable but to me this is sad,disrespectful and just plain crazy. We’re not here for very long so why not respect each other and understand each other’s values and point of view ?

Normally the human invention devils own “money” comes into the equation for others it’s possessions and this again makes me wonder if people have the right priorities.Politicians and people with businesses don’t have the right priorities or ideas either valuing the political aspirations or businesses higher than the people that work for them or the people they are employed to represent.

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“And so you see, I have come to doubt, All that I once held as true,I stand alone without beliefs,The only truth I know is you” 

“My life seems unreal,My crime an illusion,A scene badly written,In which I must play,”

Alternatively Speaking !

When the days are sunny so much seems right with the world and when its warm it just makes everything perfect. Alternatively sometimes the weather can take a turn for the worse and we sometimes endure days of really inclement grey damp and extensively cold days. The United Kingdom receives a temperate maritime climate with all four seasons but no extremes of temperature.

While those dwelling in the UK probably wouldn’t agree, the UK’s climate could be summed up in one simple word: mild. As it is a relatively small land mass, there isn’t a great deal of regional variation. However, there are a number of micro-climates; rain and temperature variations are caused mainly by elevation, proximity to the Atlantic Ocean, and to a lesser extent, latitude.

It is generally warmer in the south than the north. As a whole, the UK is infamous for its changeable weather, cloudy skies and persistent rainfall.

This on the whole doesn’t always make it a great country to enjoy naturism as it can change from warm to cool just like that. As a result there isn’t what one would call a naturist holiday area more a country with just clubs,campsites and venues….scattered across the nation .

People do live what one would call alternative lifestyles however,living in unusual communities such as communes, intentional communities, Eco-villages, off-the-grid, or the tiny house movement.

Travelling subcultures have arisen although most aren’t always greeted with the positing attitudes they should be, these including lifestyle travellers, house-trucking, and New Age travelling,restrictive dieting, such as vegetarianism, veganism, freeganism, or raw foodism.

These are examples which may also be considered by some to be alternative lifestyles: including of course naturism and clothing optional lifestyles.It is difficult escaping the trappings of the 21st century,especially how bad things are getting in the UK with the cost of living etc. You cant blame people at all for wanting to escape the stresses of modern life,however it is incredibly difficult to escape completely, as you will still be liable to tax and all other current laws against the people of the UK.

The only thing you will effectively escape is council tax (if you don’t live in a home or on benefits).There are many ways to become more green,cut yourself off from current society and be selective over what you buy depending if you can go self sufficient etc. with how much land you may own.

If you want to join cultures within the UK then there are a few options but on the whole the UK is restrictive and so like many countries in the EU who seem to want people to all live the same and are treated almost like sheep.

“An alternative lifestyle is a lifestyle diverse in respect to mainstream ones, or generally perceived to be outside the cultural norm”

Nature Connects

I’ve just read an interesting article in the guardian about a couple who for seven years now,have lived a nomadic lifestyle firstly in New Zealand now in Europe. In the article she is promoting her book “Woman in the Wilderness” and it tells their story and shows how you can live a different lifestyle and adapt to it.

Having been forced to readjust my lifestyle somewhat I can understand how you can realign your life and live nomadically living and doing without . Having said that I’d probably stop at washing my hair in urine.

She thinks that perhaps women have lost their connection with nature, “even more than men. Also,” she adds, passionately, “why do women behave so weakly, physically? As in, ‘I can’t lift that,’ ‘I can’t shit outside,’ ‘I can’t have my period in the bush.’” She thinks it’s a shame women are missing out. In today’s world if you want to be more content, sometimes you have to change your life completely.

“This is tricky because you can never get far enough away from people,” grumbles Peter. Fortunately, “We’re absolute masters of disappearing into forests.”

Naturism for some represents a real life return to nature and also an alternative to stereotype lifestyle.This consisting of living naked in a community, within a dedicated area.

Naturism aims at the well-being of the body in contact with the natural elements that surround us, like air, sun, light and water. Ignoring any erotic connotation, naturism helps restore the body’s proper place. Natural nudity should be seen as the original state in which each of us were born. It is natural and healthy.

With more than half of the world’s population living in cities, humans have lost touch with nature. The concrete jungle and the rat race suck up our time and energy and we feel stressed, anxious or like we have lost meaning. We have middle life crises, travel to ‘find ourselves’, fight depression with pills, change jobs and cars but, somehow, we cannot fill that void. We don’t know what’s wrong.

What we are truly lacking is a connection with the wild world and its rhythms. Today we don’t need to hunt or gather food for sustenance, work hard to build a shelter or collect wood for fire every other day in the winter. We don’t need to protect ourselves or our food from predators. Our lives revolve around paying bills, buying things we don’t actually need, drinking to feel something and staring at a computer screen.

Nature is good for our sense of wellbeing. The way nature works as a whole system, bringing meaning to great complexity, often gives people a sense of purpose and understanding. This purpose has to do with feeling connected to a larger environment and order. While nature connects you to a larger system, it also helps people come to terms with what they cannot control. In nature, people learn to cope and acts as a stress controller.

Living in the modern world, it’s easy to forget our connection to nature and the environment.  There was a time when all of humanity lived as animals in harmony with our ecosystem. Our actions have an effect on the environment, and a healthy environment is what allows us to live.  By reconnecting with nature, we move toward a more sustainable future for our planet and a more holistic existence for ourselves.

State of being ? A life Path ?

Despite the hostility, what makes people take up nudism? by Sneha Bengani

Nudism can mean different things to different people. For some, it’s the most natural state of being, a life path. For others, it may be a way to protest, a symbol of transgression, a path to enlightenment, a muse of artistic creation.

But what is it that makes people take to it, despite it being a taboo and a punishable offence in most nations?

Regular nudists hide their identities even on social media.Being nude in public is banned under Indonesia’s anti-pornography laws. But despite it, a small community of 10-15 naturists in Jakarta meet every now and then and spend the day naked in a secluded holiday spot.They talk about everything from work to international politics. They dare not go public with their identities, even on social media, for they fear backlash and incessant trolling.

Naturism, to most practitioners, is a way of life.Most regular nudists find naturism a way of life. They say they feel happier and a lot more comfortable when naked.They also believe that stripping down lets them be their most authentic selves; promotes healthy body image, tolerance; and helps them bond with other nudists at a primal level.Several others also practice to understand why people take to it despite the stigma.

A group of naked people is not always an orgy and it is here that there are misconceptions . A group of naked people is often perceived as a sex party. However, nudity has nothing to do with sex. It is not the same as exhibitionism. Nudists practice naturism as a discipline and resent people judging them as immoral, or filthy or grotesque. They are often thought of as porn stars. Some think of them as nothing short of animals and cannibals.

Public nudity is banned in most countries across the world.Most of the world frowns upon public nudity. It is legal only in a select few nations. The short list includes Spain, Denmark, Netherlands, France, Germany and Norway. These countries let you roam around freely as long as you do not create nuisance.How to behave, should you come across a nudist there are etiquettes to adhere too.
Try not to stare at a nudist. They consider it rude. If you leer or make sexual innuendos among a group of naturists, you are most likely to get expelled.

Cameras are strictly prohibited in such gatherings. So don’t even try unless you have an explicit permission. Naked people value their privacy dearly. Do not expect them to tell you their full names.Nudists call people who wear clothes ‘textiles’. Naturism was suggested as an alternative term for nudism by Health and Efficiency magazine in 1934. However, the new word didn’t become a part of the general vocabulary until the 1960s. It is a common belief that most nudists are upper-class, rich people. Germany and France were the first European countries to have organized nudist groups.

This is a repost the original article can be found here: Original Article

Beliefs,Lifestyle and Values

Beliefs,Lifestyle and Values

It’s late October its manic at work and to be honest I could do with a holiday. As it gets colder and darker I can only dream of a naturist holiday in sunnier climes with bright sunshine all day long. We did think about a week away in November but as it approaches rapidly a dream is all it seems to be. British Summertime ended on Sunday and the clocks have gone back an hour the evenings are drawing in but the mornings are a little lighter, even so with good weather the evening skies have been a delight to see.

Wintertime being colder tends to be a time for reflection as its not a time to venture out as much however if you think things out as you go along in life you can build solid foundations and not have to reflect so deeply or have these thoughts upset you as much.

As human beings, we all have our own values, beliefs and values that we have developed throughout the course of our lives. Our family, friends, community and the experiences we have had all contribute to our sense of who we are and how we view the world.

The more people you meet and understand you realise that everyone is different and some or many may live a lifestyle that mainstream society views as being different or diverse. Building strong communities we have to understand these diversities and accept nearly all if we are to progress. Individuals should respect this and need to be aware and not impose our own ideas on others against their will.

Some values should however transcend people of all races, colours, and creeds if we are to live together.
What are they ? In my mind all people should adhere to certain standards….everyone should have good manners, should have pride in who they are and should behave with a fair amount of decency. Bad traits such as greediness and laziness should not be tolerated.People also should learn the treat each other a whole lot better too

I  think about and care about the world we live in.As a result i find myself interested in Social Activism…well you have to be if you actually care about things today. I am  also interested in wildlife conservation,politics life to me is all connected. Everything is connected to everything else, an idea at once utterly mind-bending and utterly intuitive, found everywhere from the most ancient Buddhist scripts to the most cutting-edge research in biology and social science.You can’t do things or make decisions without it affecting somebody or something else somewhere.

“Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives – John Lennon”

So why is…..

This is re-posted…click on the pic to read the original post

So why is nudity necessary?
Well!…

Nudity is not an alien concept for me (and I feel genuinely in debt to my parents for that!), we are all born naked but not many of us are lucky enough to be brought up with naturism as an ordinary occurrence. That’s right, I’m a naturist. And before you all gasp with judgement at a young lady wanting to be naked in public a few stereotypes need to be addressed and corrected:

First and most importantly, nudity is NOT sexual. Not unless you flounce around in a suggestive manner; which even then you will likely achieve a more immediate effect simply by shrugging into some inexplicably small and uncomfortable lingerie. (For men it’s true also, you may not have frills and bows but many women would agree that when seen objectively the gentlemen’s parts, although not without their function, are not the most tidy and inviting, so a nice pair of boxers won’t go too far amiss.) Hence naturism is not about being attractive and it certainly isn’t about sex – it’s about nature. Being comfortable with the reality of yourself and others, releasing public stereotypes usually supported by clothing and finally relaxing into a natural way of living without expectation or judgement.
We are not all naked all the time !

 

Nudity is not a compulsory or regular part of life just because you see yourself as a naturist – it is a lifestyle choice that says that in certain situations you are open to the concept of social nudity as a freeing and comfortable past-time. It doesn’t mean I walk around my house naked everyday – I have two Dutch housemates that might get a shock if that were the case. It doesn’t mean we force our naturist habits on others. It doesn’t mean we freeze ourselves in the name of naturism, when it gets cold we put clothes on – we are naturist not stupid. And it doesn’t mean we would be comfortable being naked amidst a group of textiles (that’s what we call you strange clothing obsessed beings). Naturism is common in the format of a campsite, a beach or a spa. Naturist campsites are very safe communities that are usually quite difficult to join whilst spa’s and beaches are public which brings both the benefit and downfall of accessibility, bringing me to number 3…

Because we are happy in a naturist environment does not mean we want any Bob or Jack seeing us naked. Naturist groups are respectful, non-sexual situations where one doesn’t look at another’s body because there is no need to. We simply all have naked bodies and it isn’t appropriate or worthwhile to stare. This means, and I’m talking now to all the meerkats and peeping-Toms I’ve come across in my time, that by being naked we are not an invitation. You have no right to enter a naturist area if you have no respect for this lifestyle and you certainly have no right to stare or photograph us. This would be weird in general public so why would you intimidate someone simply because they happened to be aiming for a no-white-bits tan?

Naturists cannot be stereotyped. Unfortunately I am aware that I am exactly the kind of person people would assume to be open to nudity. But dreadlocks and paint-brushes aside I can state from experience that naturists come from all walks of life and the free-loving hippie vibe is just not a genuine presence in naturist locations. You can be sat with a lawyer or banker, a full-time parent, a student or bar staff and you wouldn’t know until you really got to know the person. Another beautiful thing about ridding ourselves of those telling lifestyle costumes.
It has been scientifically suggested that nudity is good for our health! Of course this is only logical that natural living would be but many don’t think about the reduced stress and increased vitamin D achieved by the powerful mix of nudity and that long-awaited sunshine.

So being a naturist all my life has become a large part of my being. Some naturists feel it makes them no different apart from some seriously relaxing holidays, but for me it’s a proud lifestyle choice and a strong belief that it has made a massive positive influence on  my life and personality. I feel it frees me from the stresses of society and makes me strong and unique.

As a teenager I struggled with body confidence issues that reached the stage of attending Slimming World and breaking down at the glimmer of a camera lens. Both unfortunate and increasingly evident issues in today’s young generation. But these problems stem from the pressure given by fashion, advertisement, television, music, and so on. Often a figment of social imagination and expectation rather than genuine problems, our idea of ‘healthy’ or even ‘attractive’ weight is disastrously mistaken. On the other hand, in naturist environments I could finally release my sucked in stomach and save twenty minutes of painful self-judgement each morning trying to choose which outfit shows the most airbrushed version of myself. This is why society needs nudity.

 

We need to know what average people look like. We need to know it’s ok to be ourselves and aim simply for happy and healthy. And we need to realise that there is more to learn about a person than what first meets the eye. It’s amazing that we are surprised by the shallow, make-up slicked, ‘selfie’ producing generation when we suggest no natural alternative. And on top of that, if we are born naked what is so wrong with it? It’s a real shame humanity has developed to the extent of being offended by its own natural appearance.And lastly, why it is relevant to my practice. Aside from the fact that my best work is often made naked amidst a pile of paint and blankets (you don’t get your clothes stained that way!) my work is centred around society and I feel nudity is a perfect symbol for being unashamedly honest about our presence on Earth and my hopes to bring it to a purer and healthier form in any small way possible.So let’s strip off the stereotypes, the politics and the expectations of society. Jump out of whatever box you’ve been put in and join me in thinking clearly and independently..

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Some of the latest videos from the good people I follow on YouTube

Ultimate Freedom

Nudity is the ultimate freedom. It is the most poignant way to embrace yourself and eliminate any shame. Unfortunately, my opinion on naked liberation is not universal.

A public park near the French capital Paris has recently opened an area for nudists.The site, as large as a football pitch, will be open until 15 October in the Bois de Vincennes, east of the city, as part of a temporary experiment. Officials say no exhibitionism or voyeurism will be tolerated. A charter of “good behaviour” will be displayed.

“This is part of our open-minded vision for the use of Parisian public spaces,” says Penelope Komites, a deputy mayor in charge of the parks.

Signs will inform visitors about the space for nudists or naturists. It will be open between 8:00 and 19:30 near the park’s bird reserve.Those who support the move say that, in a country with numerous clothes-free beaches and holiday camps, Paris should also be a draw for naturists.

“It’s a true joy, it’s one more freedom for naturists,” Julien Claude-Penegry of the Paris Naturists Association told AFP news agency.”It shows the city’s broad-mindedness and will help change people’s attitudes toward nudity, toward our values and our respect for nature,” he said, estimating that thousands of people could use the site.

But the idea has also faced criticism. When it was first announced, last year one centrist politician called it “crazy”.Parisians already have one public pool where they can swim naked three times a week.Humans are just meant to be naked. It’s healthy to be naked. Nudity is our natural state.

I say let’s use the words of the U2 front man Bono and reinterpret his words from 1st January 1990 when he said: “The only limits are the limits of our imagination dream up the kind of world we want to live in”

Naturism is a lifestyle that men,women and children can enjoy without any hindrance or sexual attitudes. Bringing children up in such an environment, with wholesome, honest and open body attitudes leads to better sexual health outcomes for young people, fewer body image disorders, and more sensible attitudes to life. Prudery, not openness or nudity, harms children.

It can liberate your mind and body from outdated victorian prejudices and free you from the stress of modern life. Living a naked lifestyle can be rewarding and spiritually calming helping you to relax and enjoy the natural elements in nature.